TMB competition - funniest joke

[Tiki]

Competition open for 8 days. Winners will be judged by game staff. Enter as many times as you like. Game staff can post jokes but will be ineligible to win any prize. Any type of joke is eligible
1st prize = 10k turns
2nd prize = 7k turns
3rd prize = 5k turns

[Tiki]

To start it off I will post my favourite Mafia joke!


An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.

You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple of bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?

[bLiNd_is_back]

Joke is a joke, right?
Offensive ones won't receive bans......??

[bLiNd_is_back]

A white woman and a black man are dancing in a club together.
The drinks are flowing and they start kissing on the dance floor.
The woman suggests going back to her place.
After a while they get back to her place, and she starts undressing.
Just as the black guy is about to take his pants off, the woman asks "is it true what they say about black guys!?"
"Well yes it is", he says with a sinister look on his face.

Then he stabs her and runs out with her purse......

[bLiNd_is_back]

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?


I don't cry when I'm cutting a baby.

[bLiNd_is_back]

What's the difference between 2 big cocks and a joke?


Tiki can't take a joke.....

[TodoMuerto]

A guy played a loto ticket and he forgot it at home, he's looking the results and he's calling his wife at home. He asks her hey honey pls see if this numbers are on the loto ticket. Is the number 36 on it? - she says yes. Is 40 on it? - yes! Great, is 68 on it? - yes it is! Is 88 on it? - yes it is! Omg honey we're up for it, is 93 on the ticket?? - yes it is! The guys going crazy buying drinks for all the bar.. honey pls one more number, is 50 on the ticket??? - yes it is but someone circled it.

[TodoMuerto]

An American guy, British guy and a Russian guy are on a training course to become CIA agents. They passed all stages and drills, jungle survival, mountain survival, intelligence gathering and gun handling, drug education course... Everything! The last test, you walk in a small room with no windows, there is a table and two chairs. There is a gun on the table with one bullet in it. infront of you there is a litlle refugee girl that no one would ever miss her in live. You need to put the gun on her head and blow her head up. If you do that you're in. the cowboy walks in, sees what he has to do and he just can't do it, he walks out off the room and everyone hears the suppressor - he's dead. The other recruits saw what happened and the British is next. He walks in the room and takes the gun, he puts it between the little girls eyes but his hand start shaking.. he thinks of his daughter who is the same age as the little girl and he just can't do it... Fuckit, kill me - he says
He walks out and the suppressior works again and he's dead. Russian guy walks in the room and slams the door closing it. They all hear a gunshot followed by a morbid little girls scream. He walks out drenched in blood and says: You assholes gave me a blank had to kill the little whore with the chair.

[iKonn]

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were' protecting.' Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job, figuring if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing. In his first week, the deaf collector picks up more than $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money, and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia boss soon realizes the collection is late and sends some of his thugs after the deaf collector. The thugs drag the guy to an interpreter. The right-hand man says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?" The deaf collector signs, "I don't know what you're talking about." The interpreter tells the main man, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking abo ut." The main man pulls out a. 38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?" The deaf collector signs, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park just east of the big fountain." The interpreter's eyes light up, and he says to the thug, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."

The interpreter was shanyneG looking to whore himself another medal

[tommypichero]

A fisherman fell of his boat on a storm and was drifting in the sea. He was almost drowning when a boat shows up for rescue. He says "I dont need rescue im a man of god and he will save me", the other guys in the boat insisted but the guy kept in the water. Later on another boat comes and again "go away I dont need help god is having me!". A third boat comes and still the same...the guy drowns and goes to heaven. When he gets there he is angry, he looks for god and when he finds me he asks " you fucker I put my faith on you I waited and waited for you to save me and you let me die! Why?" God answers "you dam idiot I sent you 3 fuckin boats man, 3!!!"

[dabaws]

who are the fastest readers in the world?

the people who were in 9/11 they did 21 stores in 30seconds

[Coutinho]

What is the main cause of Paedophilia ?...... sexy babies

.

[Coutinho]

I saw a midget carrying a plasma to his car today , I shouted over "hey mate you need a hand with that TV!?" He replies fuck off ass hole it's an Ipad !!

[Cassy]

give a black guy a gun and he'll shoot his enemy

give a white guy a gun and he'll shoot up a school

but give a Maori a gun and he'll sell it

[vbb]

There was a redneckwho hit every black man he saw with his truck. One day he saw a priest walking down the road and thought, "For all the bad things I done, let me give this priest a ride." So he picked the priest up and they drove along. The redneck saw a black guy down the road and decided he would pretend to fall asleep and so the priest would think it was an accident. The redneck closed his eyes and heard a loud bang. "What happened?" he asked. "You missed him," the priest said, "but I got him with the door."