I was recently handed a lengthy officially sealed document from the Infamous Clutch, which, to my surprise, contained his personal memoirs of his rise to power in the world of the Mafia Boss Game. So instead of the usual player interview, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the memoirs of Captain Clutch - A Boss, Killer, Looter, and Trash talker

I was probably around 12 or 13 years old when I was first introduced to The Mafia Boss. My childhood best friend had found the game and showed it to me at a local internet cafe. For nearly 10 years, I played the game casually, and always using a different name each round.

There were often periods of many months or sometimes years where I would disappear from the game, but somehow I always found myself finding a way back. During round 680, after spending a few weeks hopping between UC_Avengers, Nameless, and Prophecy -- I decided it was time to start the slate clean, and finally pick a name to stick with each round.

With a little help from Tiki (game admin at the time), I was able to recover the password for my original account to start the game fresh on (no medals).

The name Captain Clutch is an homage to the Halo 3 legend, Walshy. Somewhere along the road, I thought it was a tad long for daily use, and decided to shorten it to just “Clutch.” Since committing to the name Clutch, it’s been over 300 rounds. This is my story …

Rounds 680 - 698

I got the ball rolling fast on this new journey. I formed a family called Pirated_Souls and began inviting literally everyone who wasn’t in a family to join. Surprisingly, within 48 hours, I had a full 30-member family, and ended up joining the United_Nations union.

I did a couple rounds with them but never ended up getting a seat on their prize list, so I ended up taking my ever-changing gang of freeloading noobs to the solo family ranks. From here, I joined Legends union and bounced between doing rounds as a solo family, and doing rounds in their union. This is where I learned the fundamentals of efficient looting and level 4 collecting.

Rounds 698 - 704

Eventually, I ended up with a half-dent family of players, but we didn’t have the firepower to take a top 3 family rank. That’s when I approached Domenico to discuss a potential merger. I ended up joining Nameless and bringing my active family members with me. Nameless definitely had some active players, but over half of them were freeloaders, and I tried everything I could to get people to be more active.

Eventually, Domenico grew tired of my relentless beratement of the slew of freeloaders in the family, and gave me the boot. The family members I brought over from Pirated_Souls decided to stay in Nameless, and so just like that, I was on my own and back to square one.

Rounds 704 - 718

I had to decide if I wanted to start all over with creating a new family, or try to join someone else’s. I ended up finding my way into the Inner_Circle family. This is where I started stacking up my first batch of gold family medals. At the time, it was without a doubt the best family I had ever been in. The level of organization was insane, and the bonds and trust between the members were crazy.

I didn’t know it at the time, but my rounds with IC were some of the most informative and influential, in terms of how the game worked at the highest level of competition. All good things come to an end though … and after a few months with IC, it was time for me to be on my way, and searching for the next family to join.

Rounds 718 - 744

I sent some messages to various family bosses to find who would take me in, and the best family I could get an invite from was to join IOU’s union. There was no guarantee of a seat on the prize list, and these guys didn’t give a shit what I had to say about their setup. It was a keep-your-head-down-and-send-cash-up kind of situation. So that’s what I did … happily stacking family medals, while usually doing turbo rounds on my own.

Round 738, there was a bit of situation, where I was clearly going for a killers rank for the entire round, and then someone thought they’d just pop in some credits at EOR and pass me in KP … I didn’t like that. In a classic ‘Clutch’ move, I proceeded to zero a member of our own union, to ensure he didn’t pass me in KP. Let’s just say that wasn’t a very popular move, and ended up in my ejection from the union before the round was over. I did get the bronze in killer ranks though.

The next round, I saw an opening in the union ranks, where there weren’t enough unions to fill the rankings out, so again, I invited literally everyone in the game, until we had 30+ players in the union … and that’s how Mercenaries Union was formed. No one did anything of course, so we came last … but at least we all got some won credits.

Afterwards, I ended up doing another round with IOU union because I was bored as hell in a union of 30 inactive players ... but there was still a sour taste from when I was kicked, and we ended up falling out of the top 3, so I decided it was time to move on.

Rounds 744 - 756

From IOU union, I ended up floating on over to Brotherhood union. They had been good competition to IOU in the previous rounds, so I figured they’d at least keep things interesting. These guys were super intense.

Their chats would make your grandma scream bloody-murder if she ever read them. These guys had no filters or morals. After a while, I got fed up with the blatant racism and trolling, and decided, “screw it, I’m going to make my own family again.”

Rounds 756 - 810

I then recreated Mercenaries family and proceeded to invite everyone in the game again. Once I had a dozen or so members in the family, I linked up with MaXx from SouthSide_Elite and made a union. We came dead last, and none of the guys who joined my family were very active, so MaXx went back to the solo family ranks with his family, and I was left searching for what’s next.

I ended up joining UC_Avengers for a couple rounds, and then when they didn’t have room for me anymore, I was able to perry my way into Loco_Ghosts family. It ultimately wasn’t a great fit at the time, and I noticed another lull in competition within the union ranks, so I left after two rounds.

I did 3 rounds as union don of Mercenaries Union, working with a crazy group of misfits and randoms ... and it looked promising during round 772, but by round 778, all of the unions members were pretty inactive, so I knew I had to move on again. I ended up rejoining Brotherhood family, but after another 2 rounds with them, I was feeling as I did the last time I was with them, and knew it wasn’t a good fit. From here, I took a bit of a break from the game, and just sort of floated around for a few rounds killing random people who had pissed me off over the past couple months.

When I rejoined the game full-time, I saw Inner_Circle wasn’t full and sweet-talked my way back into the family. I stacked a bunch of family medals with them over the course of a couple months, and then eventually decided to give another go at starting my own family.

Rounds 810 - 842

I used the connections I had made from playing with Inner_Circle to recruit some decent and active players, and then proceeded to fill the family by - again - inviting literally everyone in the game. I did another round with SouthSide_Elite in a union of just us two, and then ended up back doing my own thing.

Slowly but surely, I was successful in recruiting a handful of solid looters, and by round 820, Mercenaries was stronger than ever. We had a full family of active players and even a sub pack purchased that a bunch of people chipped-in on. Everything was going better than expected … by the start of turbo round, it was already clear that we were the front-runners for family gold in main round.

Turbo round 821 was insane! It was one of only two rounds that I'’ve ever seen with 100% banking rules. We got our 10 players with level 4 subs to join the family, and everyone did big collects and sent up. We’re sitting there with 94T - all in my personal bank because of the 100% banking rules - and it looks like we’ve got gold family locked-down. I’m continuously refreshing the prize list during the final 60 seconds, and that’s when I notice that the guy going for the JP had banked half of his cash to rank his family. I did the math, realized I had 5T more in my bank than he had on hand. I had 10 seconds to decide: take the gold family rank, or pull everything and snipe the JP. We all know what I picked … and hence the birth of the dirtyclutch” phrase.

As soon as I saw the results, I immediately messaged Storm and asked if I could use the JP cash I earned to purchase a sub pack to resub everyone who was in the turbo family with me. Unfortunately, I didn’t read the round rules, where it clearly said that the JP wouldn’t pay out if under a certain amount … and it was under that amount. Storm declined my request for a sub pack, and paid me in credits, as the rules stated.

We finished the main round and got the family gold, but pretty much all of the level 4’s were pretty pissed that they got milked in turbo, and didn’t end up rejoining the following round. We carried on for another couple rounds, until there was a bit of a mutiny by the remaining members, where they all ended up leaving and making their own family, leaving me on my own … again.

From here, I ended up teaming-up with Blizzard and Phantom from West_Coast for a round. They weren’t very active, so after a round with them, I asked to rejoin UC_Avengers, where I did another couple rounds, before being politely asked to leave by Hollywood_Hubert, because he was tired of his inbox being spammed by his members to “kick Clutch.”

Rounds 842 - 870

Armed with a bunch more medals, and a new arsenal of game experience, I rejoined Inner_Circle and decided that would be my final stomping grounds. A few months went by, and we were stacking loads of medals. At this point, Inner_Circle had moved into the union ranks, and the union don and a lot of their top players were becoming inactive.

The union started to struggle, and eventually came to the point where it wasn’t able to compete in the top 3. There was a reshuffling of roles, led by the few active members still committed to seeing the family succeed. Somehow, Jackie_D-Amico ended up as the boss, and I wasn’t a fan of his, so I tried to make a statement by not joining the family and staying solo for as long as he was the boss. Well … that didn’t quite work to plan, because they just filled the family without me, and by the time that JD was replaced, there was no longer a place for me with Inner_Circle.

At this time, there was a new family making some waves, led by some guy no one had ever heard of, who was putting up some of the largest looting totals in the game. I joined Selected_Few for a round to see what the hype was about. The next round, I started my own family and union again, and tried to get Selected_Few to join. We came last in the union ranks, but still got some credits for 5th. From here, I took the few players following me at the time over to my long-time rivals, Warhounds union (aka Valhalla).

I still had all of my credits from the JP win, so for my second round with them, I decided to add them all in, and ended up with 30T, which I sent up at EOR for help with the union’s rank. They were fun guys to play with, but their organization (and bank rolls) were dreadful, and I knew they had little chance of regularly competing in the top 3 union ranks, so again, I decided to move on.

I ended up back with Brotherhood, ignoring their family board messages, and just building to collect each round. Things were going very well with them until turbo round 869. In turbo, I had amassed a large amount of won credits, which I cashed in to collect for the family. I single-handedly collected enough to rank the family 2nd-place silver … and with the leftovers, I took a level 4 bronze. Sounds like a good round, right? Well, to my surprise, instead of everyone saying thanks, they were all pissed that I “ranked myself” and secretly decided that with 10 seconds left in the main round, they were going to kick me … and that’s what they did.

Rounds 870 - 931

With Brotherhood in the rearview mirror, and pretty much every other family in the game, not wanting to take me in, because I always hop from family to family, and had a bad reputation as a “rankwhore” … there was really only one place left to go. IU_RU_HQ.

After swearing blood-oaths to never rank whore, and to not cause any drama, I was allowed entry into arguably the best family in TMB history.

I did a few months with them, stacking the most consecutive gold family medals I’ve ever earned. Eventually though, and to my utter shock and ultimate regret, I actually got bored of winning so easily and left the family voluntarily, to start my own again. Looking back, I probably should have just stayed with them and continued to stack the easy gold family medals … but it is what it is.

I started up Mercenaries again, and hoped to rebuild some resemblance of the family I won the JP with. We were doing pretty good, and in round 888, we ended up doing a merger with Selected_Few and the few folks from Brotherhood (who weren’t part of the whole kicking-incident).

At this point, I figured I should easily be the boss of the family, due to my experience and far-superior medals page (compared to the rest of the family’s members), but everyone couldn’t agree on who should be boss/consig, and the whole thing imploded after only one round.

So I started hopping around from family to family, essentially just joining whoever I thought was going to rank the highest based on the amount of subs/looters they had. I had my head down, and didn’t participate too much in the social aspects of the game at this time, and just focused on collecting cash and stacking medals. I went to Selected_Few, then SouthSide_Elite, then Drifters, then UC_Avengers, then back to Drifters, then another 2 rounds with Selected_Few.

From here, I linked up with old-school former West_Coast member, JoArr (whom I had met in my time with Inner Circle). At this point in the game, Blizzard and Phantom had both quit the game, and no one wanted to keep the West_Coast flag alive, so we took it upon ourselves to bring back the family. West_Coast was actually the first family I ever joined, back when I was 12 or 13, and just starting the game -- so it made sense to us that we should represent the family when no one else would. We did a few rounds together and we actually had a pretty decent small family, but we were struggling to earn the ranks we wanted … so we decided to join Inner_Circle’s union in round 927.

I ultimately didn’t like how the union was being ran, so near the end of the round with them, I promoted JoArr to boss and left the family. JoArr ended up staying with Inner_Circle, and we went our separate ways (but spoiler-alert, it was only a temporary parting).

Rounds 931 - 965

From here, I talked my way into rejoining IU_RU_HQ. I thought for sure that I would stick with these guys for the long term, and just stack family medals. I did 3 rounds with them before I got caught in some killing drama. There was a troll in UC_Avengers that hit a bunch of our family with the intention of getting us to retaliate and break our NAP with them. I took the bait and proceeded to single-handedly zero half of their union. When TMK got on and found out, he very quickly proceeded to give me an earful before kicking me from the family.

At this point, I had pretty much burned all my bridges, so I ended up doing a round with GMK union (who the fuck are those guys) and then two rounds with Drifters. Neither of those families were particularly active, so I started bouncing around between families … doing 3 rounds with SouthSide_Elite, then a round with Inner_Circle, then a round with Drifters again, then another round with SouthSide_Elite. By round 965, I had pretty much burned all my bridges to join top families, and I had used up all of my saved credits.

Rounds 965 - 981

So I’ve been in pretty much every major family in the game by this point.

I’'ve earned every medal that’s possible to get (only missing Family Killer medals, which aren’t possible to earn anymore). I’ve been a family boss, been a union boss, and been on multiple union leadership councils. I was seriously contemplating leaving the game for good because I felt that I had done it all … what more was there left to accomplish? Well … actually … there was one more thing.....

I messaged JoArr, who was in a similar boat of not knowing if he wanted to continue playing, and I said, “hey, let’s get the band back together and build something big.” He said, “let’s do it,” and that was that. We started messaging everyone we knew and seeing who would be game to join. We got a few players together, and build the family out by recruiting 1 or 2 new people each round … slow and steady.

Unions had just been removed from the game, and that meant coming top 3 in the family ranks would be damn near impossible at the start. Armed with just two level 4 subs, we spent round after round tirelessly trying to recruit and train new members, while ranking as many of them as possible in their respective level-tiers.

6 x level 1 medals, 1 x level 2 medal, 5 x level 3 medals, 2 x level 4 medals, and 3 x killer medals later … we had a solid (small) group of active and loyal family members. Family sizes had been reduced to 20 per family when unions were discontinued, and we had roughly 10 active members. We saw another family of similar size and strength, called APO, and through some back-room Skype negotiations, we ended up teaming with them in turbo round 976. Their best 5 and our best 5 all got into the same turbo family, and we managed to pull off a silver.

Our family talked long and hard about potentially merging with APO family, and after some heavy negotiations with their boss, Roku, we agreed on terms for the merger. Round 977 marked our first official main round together, as APO_WestCoast, where we took silver family with ease.

It’s now round 981 … a full 300 rounds from when I started my journey as Captain Clutch. There’s been up’s and down’s, betrayals and laughs, friendships gained and lost, many medals stacked, and a hell of a lot of war stories … but I’m finally here … right where I wanted to be from the start … at the top of a family full of active players with great attitudes and the competitive drive to become the best. We’re subbed up and strong … nipping at the heels of Inner_Circle and IU_RU_HQ for the gold family rank.

Will this be the round we dethrone the top dogs? … only time will tell … but what really matters is that it’s been a hell of a journey. Thank you all for the 300+ rounds of solid entertainment.

Until next time, this is Clutch, signing off.

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