Hello everyone and welcome to a special edition of BREAKING NEWS.

You know the drill, this is the point where I explain to you how this isn’t breaking news, but how it could be considered breaking news. So in order to not disappoint let’s do that, again.

This isn’t breaking news, if you can guess whom? For those of you who can’t, then the news is breaking. Does everyone understand? Good.

Now lets play a game…

The game for those of you who haven’t worked it out yet is called ‘Guess Who’. I know, what an original name right. ??

The purpose of the game is simple. I will talk about players in the game; you will try to guess who I am talking about. And no there is no prize for the player who guesses the most names correctly. Storm isn’t made of credits. It is not as if he can pull them out of thin air, or magically conjure an infinite number. Only the god of the internet has the power to do that and I suspect he’s busy working his way through a shit load of porn.

The answers will be provided further down.

Now without further ado, let the game begin!

Player One

Player one is a player who everybody knows. I expect each of you have conversed with this player during the period you have played, even if you are relatively new to the game. This player literally gets off on having discussions about things that you may find peculiar. The forum is his playground but he is not afraid to send out a group message or two. His relentless pursuit to initiate discussions about issues that some have described as the ‘ramblings of a mad man’ has lead to him being banned from the forums on numerous occasions.

Hint: You don’t get one. This one is easy!

Player Two

Player two is a player who has played the game for many years. This person is experienced in all aspects of the game and has during the years picked up a vast collection of medals. This collection includes gold level four medals, which this person rarely shows of. This person has been the boss of a family and a leader of a respected union. This person enjoys a good raid and is always on the move, constantly settling on new territory. This player has also been known to raid a mini bar or two on occasions.

Hint: You never know what city/country this person will login from next. Those of you, who know, know.

Player Three

There have been many terms that have been used to describe player three. Mad, psychotic, fearless, and defiant come to mind. Regardless of the term you would use, there is no denying that this player has provided us, the TMB community, with laughs and giggles over the years. Through rambling on the forums, to rambling on family and union boards, and by even writing story blogs or interviews. This player has definitely left a mark on this game.

Hint: You may know this players father.

Player Four

This players enemies would describe him as a cunt. Friends would describe #4 as one of the best players to have played the game. Regardless of what you think of #4, there can be no denying this person is one hell of a player and has been at the forefront of the game for many years. #4 is a player I have not been shy to crack the occasional joke about. Some would say this Mafioso doesn’t get the recognition deserved; perhaps they are right, perhaps not.

Hint: He does you favors and may call upon you one lonely night to do him a favor so they say..

Player Five

Having only recently returned to the game, this player is said to be the king of jackpots. According to many, #5 has so many level four gold medals that this players profile refuses to show all of them….. even when his medals are ON. In the past, this person was said to have been the winner of nearly every Turbo round. Need I say more?

Hint: May or may not be able to take a joke.

Player Six

This person is relatively new to the game, having only been around a couple of years, but in that short time has become well known. Although #6 doesn’t do much, this player still manages to annoy the most active amongst us during rounds. What makes this player special is that all this is done without sending a message, spending any money and without hitting du’s or ops. Threads have been made about this player, discussions regarding the unique ability to annoy other players just by a sheer presence have been discussed. Out of frustration some people have also targeted this players ops.

Hint: Calls Vegas home.

Player Seven

This player is the real TMB don. This person doesn’t take any shit from anyone. If #7 wanted to build and zero the whole game, #7 could. This bad ass is all about that bass. Rumor has it he loves it when you call him big papa. They say this don used to be a hell of a looter back in his day. I have my suspicions, perhaps #7 was good or perhaps it is just a rumor he has spread through his position of power. Either way he isn’t someone you fuck with, unless of course he asks you to.

Hint: They say he doesn’t like the sun

Player Eight

There isn’t a player eight, but I am curious how u would describe yourself and how you think others, friends and enemies would describe you. Perhaps you can let me know in the comments, you know if you can spare 10 seconds. Who knows, I may even respond letting u know how I would describe you, after all my opinion is THE opinion.

The Answers

I know what you’re thinking, that was the hardest game of “guess who” you’ve ever played in your life. Or perhaps it’s the only game of “guess who” you’ve played. Either way it’s over now.

It’s result time…

Player One Fact file:

Name: Mr Worker
Occupation: Unemployed preacher
Family: Cool Cats
Game Stats: Questionable

I also asked each player how he or she would describe himself or herself. Mr Worker had this to say.

from Mr Worker:

Hi TMB Reporter.

I would say I am a man doing the lords work trying to spread the love of god and ma love to people.
Player Two Fact file:

Name: Viking_Slap
Occupation: Traveling Viking
Family: Brotherhood
Game Stats: Above average

Unfortunately Viking Slap did not get back to my inquiry. No cookie for you sir.

Player Three Fact File:

Name: RavenKC
Occupation: Harley Quinn impersonator
Family: Various, most recently Brotherhood
Game stats: Self-proclaimed Queen

I was unable to locate RavenKC for a comment. It was during this period that I was made aware to a post on her profile not long ago, which stated she would not be returning to the game. I hope this isn’t the case, time shall tell..

Player Four Fact File:

Name: Lopov
Occupation: Thief
Family: IU
Game Stats: Don

Ladies and Gentlemen prepare yourselves. This was the round I finally got Lopov to reply to me. I started off with a question, one which I purposefully misworded in the hope that he would reply.

This is what I sent him:

To Lopov:

Hey Lopov,

If I was to ask u to describe yourself in say 50-100, how would you? I would like to include something of the sort in my upcoming blog so would appreciate a response.


Lopov promptly replied to me with a simple message:

from Lopov:

I sent Lopov a follow up message hoping that I may be able to extract more information out of him.

To Lopov:

Thanks for the reply. Now, how would u describe yourself in 50-100 words...

Here is what he had to say:

from Lopov:

I think it would be best to ask others to describe me ?
I pointed out that it is fairly clear how others, both friends, enemies and spectators would describe you. What is unclear is how you would describe yourself. But sadly that was the end of the exchange. I had gotten two messages out of him, that is something I suppose. Maybe next time I can get three?

Player Five Fact File:

Name: Gallio
Occupation: Funeral Clown
Family: Ronin
Game Stats: TMB King

Gallio was another one who didn’t get back to me. All the jackpots wins must be getting to his head. But saying that at least he still uses his own name each round unlike one or two others.

Player Six Fact File:

Name: darkpool drako
Occupation: NPC
Family: Unknown
Game Stats: King of the bots controlled by IA

darkpool drako had no comment on the matter. Maybe one day the bots shall develop the ability to trash talk? That would be funny..

Player Seven Fact File:

Name: Storm
Occupation: Rough Rider
Family: TMB_Staff
Game Stats: Don of dons

Sadly storm also did not get back to me. I can only assume he was busy trying to figure out a way of locating the god of the Internet. He is real. He is out there. They say if you find him first you get a cookie, a chocolate chip cookie with milk. You have to go through allot of porn though… I wonder how storms doing..

This is Tmb_ Reporter.. later..

Editor Note re: Lost file: This story blog was written awhile back and recently recovered. It has been edited a bit to reflect current situation but is mostly intact as it was written by the author.