Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girl, the legend has returned. Feeling fresh from my trip down south (yes the pun was definitely intended) I logged into TMB and started getting caught up with what I had missed. After a few messages here and there between my little birds and me I quickly got caught up on everything. Yes everything.

From now on you can all call me the master of whispers because I got more little birds than Varys and Qyburn combined. They were feeding me information like a man in prison feeds Jackie penises. Like Tony feeds skids sandwiches. You get the picture.

Anyway let’s begin with this round’s mid round review.

Families and Unions News

Southside Split

Southside has been on the up and up in recent rounds. Following the end of the Legends and United Nations union, Southside had managed to recruit a number of new members. Old members who had stopped playing had also returned to the game and joined them. This all accumulated in some solid performances in both main and turbo rounds.
But now it seems as if many of those members have jumped ship and formed a new family. I sent out a few messages to find out why they had done so.

Here is what Shane Simpson, one of the leading members of the newly formed Deryl’s Doolittle’s family had to say on the matter.

From ShaneSimpson:

Yes Hello,
We came together after playing shuffleboard for sarges birthday. Sadly due to incompetent issues in southside I left and started a family. Came back go game to help maxx get southside growing and stronger. Right off rip we were doing great people started to get content and not keep working. When i asked for names to tier I always got same names every turbo or main round. I cant play safe or content and have rankwhore show themselves also don't like being used

Unfortunately more than me left Southside they asked for invite so here we are. I still love maxx and Southside just wont be back. This round we are just getting off the ground and having fun. If you want others opinions please ask them and of you need a fresh depend please ask sarge for future diaper changes and comments.
I also sent out a message to a few more people in this newly formed family. Here is what they had to say.

From Evil_Buu:

I don’t know the politics of it all, i stay loyal to a few friends and where ever they end up going i go with them, i was never loyal to SS so it may be best to ask a few other members here
I also messaged the current members of Southside including the boss, Madd Maxx but only one member got back to me and he wanted to remain anonymous. In order to protect my sources identity I will not be posting the messages that we exchanged but will instead tell you a story. Anything in quotation marks is a direct quote from my source.

Here goes….

Once upon a time there was a ‘bitch’ called Shane Simpson who came into a family and started filling the members of Southside’s ‘heads with bullshit’ claiming to be ‘loyal’ to the family when he had ‘his own agenda’. He ‘made an issue out of every little thing’ that happened like ‘who tier ranks’, ‘naps’ and ‘who we hit’. He managed to succeed in splitting the family up by brainwashing the ‘sheep’ and ‘whores’ who followed him out of Southside. He is an ‘unloyal’ ‘shit stain’. I doubt his family will last long.

Moving on……

UC leaves IU’s union

This is now the second round in a row that UC have not joined the IU union they have been apart of for what seems like an age. I sent out a few messages to the current higher ups in IU to get some comments on the matter. To find out why UC have left the IU union. At the time of writing I have not received any replies, which to be honest I expected. It’s a good job I got birds rights. Here is a summary of what they had to tell me.

From little birds:

1. Lopov not really active no more and because of internal stuff and difference between new leaders UC decided to leave.

2. They joined because of lopov and nino but now because they are not really active and don’t have big role in union they left.

3. I spoke to some they say because we invite lots of randoms in union that I don’t see.

4. There is also disrespect in union towards UC and some in IU like chapo nobody here likes him

I then messaged UC to ask them the exact same questions. Why did you leave? Here is what they had to say….

From Eli_Ironborn aka Hollywood Hubert:

yes there was no falling out of any kind with IU just looking for something different. Going back to IU union yes for sure i am open for that. i'm not that active due to desire and other things taking up my time, so with that can't really run anything myself the way i would want to.
From El Chapo:

i can tell ya when you have 73 ppl in one union things seem to get crowded ,an not enough seats for everyone ..We all do alot here it was a family choice an yes we did leave on good who klnows what the future holds ..
From Nexus:

Hi Reporter,

We left the IU union the round that had the union glitch, we were there at the start, then the glitch hit and we were a solo family again. We were going to rejoin, but saw there was already 60+ members. This seemed like too many people to us, so we went in a different direction. We went the same way this round, but that doesn't mean the next round we won't be back in the IU union. We left on good terms as far as I know and are still allies.
Well it sure does seem everyone in UC is singing from the same song sheet… Moving on….

The Boys are back in town

Fresh out of prison, Dirty Nick, the don of Brotherhood and his dick-eating compatriots are back. Just two rounds in, currently third in the union rankings, 700 bill behind IC, is it just me or will shit in TMB land begin to get a little more interesting? I sent out a few messages to the brothers over in the hood. The questions were simple really, do you guys plan on sticking around for a while and what are your goals for the coming rounds.
Here is what some of the guys had to say…

From Gasface:

Hopefully...I'm sure you all must miss being told to go EAT A DICK!
We have missed it Gasface but none more so than storm. We all know he likes chowing down on a good penis...

From Dirty Nick:

Hi Reporter

YES Brotherhood is back and back strong. We had a good first round and this one is shaping up to be better. Ive missed my time away from the hood, but i was released early on good behavior. Now looking to make some more trouble with my gang of cunty cunts doing what cunts do best. Baring any unforeseen circumstances my leadership of the hood should remain strong unless of course we get bored again.. But so far we are all having a good time and will look to keep it that way. We arent looking for wins or upsetting the status quo thats been set up at the top of the game with IU and IC. Let them battle it out and we will just continue to play the game. Whatever we gain or comes our way out of circumstance we will take. Thats what we do best, take advantage of the situation.

As always TMB Reporter, Go Eat A DICK!

much love
~Chief degenerate of the degenerates
Not looking to upset the status quo… I have heard that one before Nick. What does everyone else think, how long will it be until we see the brothers getting involved in the action? Let me know in the comments section, or don’t.. whatever…

From Soulja:

Yes hello, We were always here, we just got bored from the game, and some got busy with RL. Reality hit us when DirtyNick finally quit the corner business, and no longer getting arrested. With this good news, we decided to come back, and have fun again.

HAPPY RAMADAN from the camel riders, and finally EAT A DICK!
~We do whatever we want, whenever we want~
Happy Ramadan Soulja…make sure you don’t eat any dicks from dusk till dawn.

War News

Foundhell vs. Nameless

I was contacted by a little bird in Foundhell who wanted to inform me about how they had been beating on Nameless for the past few rounds with very little resistance. My source informed me that the conflict started because of two reasons.

1. Fearless of Nameless began to run his mouth to Bishop.

2. Nameless had a vote as to whether or not they should war foundhell that was leaked to them.

I contacted Domenico and Fearless of Nameless to get their opinions on the matter. Here is what Domenico had to say…

From Domenico:

I wasnt aware of any conflict with Foundhell this round. We have been at odds with SS because we had taken out their bank a few days ago. Foundhell has bloated egos so it doesnt surprise me they claim credit for someone elses work to the point where they are bragging about it to the press. Lots of people like to think they are at war with us because we are seemingly the only family left in the game that doesn't want/have naps with the majority of the game.
Here is what Fearless had to say..

From Fearless187:

They talk so much shit, it's coming out there mouths.
I did message a few people in Foundhell but nobody got back to me. I suspect they were busy hitting Derlys Doolittles… Yes, if you haven’t figured it out already foundhell actually hit people now.. the balls have finally dropped…

Here is what Big Sarge had to say about the hits:

From Big Sarge:

I haven't even had my morning coffee but I will try and verbalize my thoughts on this.

First off... this isn't an on going war. Just started yesterday and I can't see the future but next round looks fun.

As far as what started the war? We had a few guys that were hitting, mainly for KP's. We weren't 0'ing them. Didn't hit their bank. Benny shot me a message and I offered him an agreement, which must have fallen on deaf ears. They responded by hitting our family, which is fair play.

The truth is this is a new family with a lot of veterans of the game with lots of experience. We have a lot of heavy hitters. Benny and his crew should pack a lunch because it's gonna be a fun time. My only question is will this be like the WarHound war. 2 rounds and done?

Big_Sarge, OUT!
Skeemin also had this to add:

From Skeemin:

Why sure I do, like it's gonna be my turn soon :-)
Moving on……

Zodiac vs. Dusk

The bromance is apparently over. Yes ladies and gentlemen you did just read that correctly. Dusk the boss of the current third IU family, IU Loco has officially ended the bromance it had with Zodiac. Apparently it all blew up on the union board last round but the conflict between the two had been going on for some time.

According to my birds, last round Zodiac was extremely unhappy at the fact that it was day eight and he did not have any safeties set from a banker who was not a member of his family. This meant that he could not max the IU bank at toth. So he threw a tantrum on the union board, which Dusk responded to. Words were exchanged. Some crying took place. Here is a rough version of how the conversation on the union board went down.

Zodiac: I have no safeties from bank. I have no banker to max. I am not happy with this.

Zodiac: I need safeties what is this?

Zodiac: I am angry and will cry if no safeties are set

Dusk: If you cant max bank someone else can max bank don’t cry.

Zodiac: I will not stop crying until I get set transfers and have bank to max. NOBODY else maxes bank but me.

Dusk: This is union it is about team work you are stupid we all try to max bank but you think you are the only one who maxes bank

Zodiac: I max bank 8 hours straight every round because nobody else maxes bank.

Dusk: You don’t let other people max bank and it is always about you. I come online and others to max bank we say we are maxing bank and you then max bank at toths

Zodiac: Don’t bring personal things into this with me. I know you don’t like me but this is not personal I just say the truth that I do all the work. I need safeties.

Dusk: You are not boss zodiac. I am boss

Zodiac: I know I am not boss I did not say I am boss I said I need safeties because nobody max bank but me.

Dusk: I am sick of this me me me. This is union there is no me me me. I warned you change attitude or you will be gone from here. You are arrogant shit head who thinks he is the best looter here.

Zodiac: I am the best

Dusk: I am done with this idiot and his arrogant attitude.

For those of you who made it through that, Yes the actual conversation word for word that took place was even more pathetic. I messaged the two of them to get a comment and didn’t really expect a reply. I suspected Zodiac would be busy maxing the bank and Dusk would be busy attempting to max the bank. It turns out Zodiac was busy with the bank, dusk on the other hand had the time to send me something but sadly it was the same gibberish I always get sent when asking dusk for a comment.

And Finally

Happy Birthday Storm

This round, this day, Storm has turned 68.

Happy Birthday sir.
Happy Birthday to you!

I brought you some deodorant, and some soap and shower gel too.
Happy Birthday Storm, from all of us to you.

Blogger bought you some perfume and a recipe book to.
Happy Birthday dear friend.
Happy Birthday to you.

Allure threw you a party, and tiki, captain west, zhang, ink, saisie, and the value meal will all be there with presents too.

Fast forward to the party.

Wait, what’s the matter Storm, you think this party is the pits
Allure did plan it and to be honest this party is pretty shit.
But you should enjoy it whilst you can, we’ll soon be blown to bits.
The orange orangutan in the white house is going to cook our goose.
His tiny hands are itching to use the football, all he’s looking for is an excuse.

It doesn’t take a genius to see,
We will all be as crispy as the fried chicken you love after WW3
There will be nowhere we can run to
Nowhere we can hide
So thank Allure for this shit party.
Smile and try and enjoy this night.
PS: Don’t forget, Tony is making them sandwiches we all like.

Fast forward to after the party…

So now its just storm and Blogger
Everyone else has made their way home
Blogger begins to enter storms zone
He loves the way he makes storm moan
What happens next I’m still struggling to digest
I bet none of you can guess the places blogger puts his head

This is TMB Reporter…. Later….